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Seeking Seclusion

25 Mar

The idea was petrifying at first. A big adjustment was more than I could process. The unknown is always more frightening than reality.

Beach life is a dream in the winter time, but as the tourists begin to trickle in, I realize how my peaceful, empty beach will soon be a congested nightmare.

My secluded piece of paradise is quickly slipping away. As this beautiful beach becomes cluttered by all the leftovers of the day’s visitors, I feel angry. They come to use and abuse her. I wish I could make it stop. Somebody must protect her.

The local businesses thrive on this weeks influx of piranhas coming to feast. They lose me in the process as I’ve grown accustomed to empty parking lots and wait free experiences.

I’m not one to soak up the sun anyway. I prefer a bit cooler weather while absorbing the landscape and salt air.

I never thought it would leave me wanting more. My heart now searches for a more peaceful place. A place that allows me to reflect on my world without interruption. A place that is more secluded.

I’m not sure such a place exist that is within my grasps, but I refuse to stop searching.

Feeling Nothing

19 Mar

Cassy had the perfect marriage or at least what seemed perfect compared to her past experiences. She never felt so loved. He truly cared about her and that made her feel safe and allowed her to let her guard down and start trusting again.

Trust did not come easy, it actually took years for Cassy to not have doubt or question his complete honesty. Although it finally happened, it was a short lived high that soon went spiraling  downward.

She finds herself wondering how a few short years can bring about such intense change in her life. It took almost six years to bring her to a state of contentment in her marriage that was completely destroyed less than one year later.

Cassy wanted a relationship where they felt comfortable sharing their feelings. Open communication was so important to her and she believed it was the reason they rarely argued.
Nothing could have prepared her for what she heard that day.

She was sure he was just telling her how he felt and he did not intend to destroy her with his few words, but he did. Coupled with being exhausted from weeks of long days and sleepless nights it was more than she could take.

The open communication was forever destroyed as she was left speechless from his words that cut so deep.

Her broken heart has turned cold in an attempt to stop the pain. She feels nothing for years. She does not even realize it at first, but now that she realizes what happened, she wants nothing more than to feel again.

She searches daily within herself to find a way back to the perfect love she once had. Unfortunately, it’s a path she can’t seem to navigate. So many road blocks that seem too hard to pass.

They say times heals everything, but to her, it seems like time is standing still. Now, several years later, she can’t think about that day without tears rolling down her face.

Maybe it’s her. Maybe she never completely healed before they met. Her past was a difficult set of circumstances.

She feels like she lives with a stranger. He knows, and wants nothing more than to be anything but a stranger. She does not know how to see him as anything else.